I've moved!

For various reasons, I've decided to move this blog over to Wordpress. If you'd like to keep following my adventures (and believe me, you'll want to), my new address is:

https://heather20blog.wordpress.com

I know that I haven't said a whole lot about my life since the cruise in July, but needless to say, it has been turned upside down since meeting Bill on said cruise. ❤️ To find out more, watch the Wordpress blog!

"You've come a long way, baby!"

It's hard to believe that almost two years have gone by since I made the decision to leave a marriage that was sucking the soul out of me. I've had the opportunity to grow and experience a lot of new things in many areas of my life. The one area where I've experienced the most growth and change is my spiritual life.

I think that a lot of my growth had to do with the fact that I made it a priority to find a good church home where I could get the support I needed to transition to this new phase of life. I found just that church home about a month after I moved out. The messages were uplifting and just what I needed to be hearing at that time in my life. The people were accepting of me; I didn't feel judged at all because of my impending divorce. This environment created a safe place among the chaos where I could address my spiritual issues and grow in my faith.

Among the things I've better come to understand:

--How truly powerful prayer can be. It's not only the big things in my life that God cares about, but also the little things. I've seen God do some amazing things simply because I was willing to talk to Him about them.

--The redeeming power of the grace of God. Because God loves me unconditionally, I don't have to wallow in guilt everytime I mess up. With God's forgiveness and help, I can get back up on my proverbial horse and keep riding.

--The "sixth sense" is a powerful thing. For the Christian, this sixth sense is the presence of the Holy Spirit within him/her. It is that still, small voice within. It is that gut feeling. Learning how to be better aware of it's prompting has helped me make some really good decisions as well as reassuring me when I'm not sure about decisions I've made.

--I've grown secure enough in myself and my relationship with God that I've found it less necessary to share too much personal information with others, hence my decision to leave Facebook. I don't need everybody's approval of my life decisions. As long as God is pleased, then it doesn't matter so much what everybody else thinks.

--Being able to trust God is essential in being able to take risks. I still struggle in this area, but I have made some progress! 

I can't say that I have arrived yet in perfecting myself spiritually. That won't happen this side of eternity. I can say that I am in a state of continuous growth. As long as I continue to grow, I will continue to make progress in reaching the potential that God has set for me.

I think the following song lyrics sum up the last two years for me:

"No I cannot count the ways 
You have made my life so blessed
All I know is that You came 
And made beauty of my mess."

--Ayiesha Woods "Happy" 

Heather 2.0: taking care of my body

Up until spring of 2015, most of the focus of Heather 2.0 had been on redeveloping myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually following my divorce. After a routine doctor's appointment in March, I knew it was time to start addressing the physical side of things. 

In the last couple of years or so of my marriage, the weight had crept on. I knew that I would eventually need to address it, but other things took priority after the divorce. As a part of the routine doctor's visit, she had me go for bloodwork. She and I were both quite shocked to find out that my cholesterol level had risen significantly. Granted, I shouldn't have been that surprised, given the fact that high cholesterol does run in my family. At any rate, we agreed that I should start cleaning up my diet and incorporating more exercise into my lifestyle. After four months, I would go back for more bloodwork to see if that helped any.

For the next four months, I did just that. I cleaned up my diet by eliminating most junk food and eating out less (especially fast food). I took up running and I made more visits to the gym. I really invested myself in this new lifestyle. As a bonus, the weight started coming off--not super fast, but steadily. I was really pleased with myself.

I went back for my cholesterol retest and was shocked to find out that my overall cholesterol level had risen despite my efforts. This simply confirmed that it wasn't so much a matter of lifestyle that contributed to it, but genetics. I went on medication and will be retested in a couple of months or so to see how well I'm responding to it

Despite the fact that my efforts didn't make much of a difference addressing the initial cholesterol issue, I continue to strive to keep up the lifestyle changes that I've made. Since my diagnosis, I've lost in the neighborhood of 20 pounds. I love the fact that I'm starting to get into smaller clothes. Ultimately, it's the good feeling I get from taking better care of my body that keeps me going, though.

Insights from a week at sea

One thing I love about vacations is that the downtime allows me to clear my mind and open it to new ideas and realizations. Here are several from this past trip:

1. I can plan all I want, but I need to be flexible and open to unexpected opportunities. I just need to go with the flow.

2. I need to let go of the need to control so much. Sometimes, the most exhilarating experiences can be had just by letting go.

3. If something is important enough to me, I need to pursue it with determination. There will most likely be bumps in the road along the way, but I can't let them stop me. If it's really meant to happen, it will happen.

4. I have let Facebook and it's influence dominate my life too much and it's stressing me out. While I was at sea, I actually found it a bit of a relief to not have access to it.

After giving it some thought, I have decided to deactivate my Facebook presence for the time being. I'm not eliminating my social media presence altogether, as I will keep my Instagram and Twitter accounts, as they aren't the problem. Facebook is a big time-suck for me, so ridding myself  of it will free up a good chunk of my time to pursue more productive things. If any of my FB friends really want to stay in touch with me, there are always options like phone calls, texting, and emails.

Ultimately, I believe that I will be liberating myself. :)

What an awesome trip!

• Here it is...the low-down on my recent cruise on the Norwegian Getaway.

  
  

  As I mentioned in a previous post, I had booked a Studio cabin. I figured that I probably wouldn't be spending a ton of time in the cabin anyway, so an inside cabin would work just fine. It was the least expensive option, anyhow. Connected to the Studio cabins is a Studio lounge, where solo travelers can meet up and hang out. For peace of mind, only those in Studio cabins have access to this area of the ship; a keycard is required to access the whole Studio cabin section and lounge, as well as our own individual cabins. There is a Solos coordinator who handles dinner and show reservations for those groups  of solo travelers who would like to go together;  he did a great job taking care of everything. 
  
  The food was excellent. I ate mostly at the buffet, Taste, and Savor. I did also try Tropicana and O'Sheehans. With the quality of the food at the complimentary restaurants, I saw no real need to go to the premium restaurants. One thing I would like to note is that the Tropicana can get really noisy between the live music and the ambient noise. I would've liked to have gone more than once, but as someone who has sensory processing issues, I just couldn't handle it. 
  
  As for entertainment, I saw a dance show, "Burn the Floor" (awesome), and the musical Legally Blonde (excellent). I also enjoyed an evening at the comedy club. I did go to the Glow Party and enjoyed it for a short time before sensory issues got to me and I had to leave (think loud music and lots of people dancing around waving glow sticks).
  
  With excursions, I enjoyed all of mine. At St. Thomas, I opted for the Eco-Hike at St. John and also took the sky lift to Paradise Point after returning to St. Thomas. At Tortola, I took the excursion to The Baths on Virgin Gorda; my only complaint is that we didn't get enough time to really enjoy the beauty that The Baths has to offer. At Nassau, I took the Seahorse Snorkel and Sail trip. Other than dealing with a leaky mask and a too-big mouthpiece on the snorkel, I had a good time and would go on it again, bringing my own snorkel and mask next time. 
  
  One thing that really stood out to me on this cruise was the service I got from the crew. On my birthday, I return to my cabin to find it decorated with a big birthday sign and balloons! Talk about making a girl feel special! There was also the birthday cupcake left in my cabin and a larger birthday cake I got when I went to dinner on my birthday night. Throughout the week, I would often come back to my cabin after being out to find little treats like chocolate-covered strawberries, chocolate candy, and even champagne!
  
  After this cruise, I am definitely hooked on NCL and see no real need to cruise with anybody else. As a matter of fact, I've already booked another cruise on the Escape for the same week next summer.

  
  

  

  
  

  Honeymoon Beach on St. John

  
  

Before I cruise: inspiration from another solo traveler

Leading up to this cruise, another solo traveler that I love and miss has been on my mind lately. Throughout my life, my Aunt Margaret (my maternal grandfather's baby sister) has been a role model for me. Like me, she was a college graduate (back when not a lot of women graduated from college). Like me, she married at a fairly late age for her generation, and never had any kids. Like me, she found herself single again (widowed) at a fairly young age. She was wise, kind, generous, loving, accepting, and ahead of her time. This coming December will make 15 years that she's been gone. I still miss her.

After Aunt Margaret found herself widowed, she took it as an opportunity to pursue her dreams. She retired from her teaching job and started traveling the world. Oh the places she went! She didn't wait for another man to show up--she just did it! She never did remarry, but that didn't stop her from living a joyful, content life that had an overwhelmingly positive impact on her family, friends, and church.

Aunt Margaret continues to be a role model for me. To me, she is proof positive that a joyful, rich life is possible for a single-again woman. Yes, I would still like to marry again someday. Even if that opportunity never comes, it doesn't mean that my life is over by any stretch of the imagination. I've still got places to go,  people to love on, and positive vibes to spread. In a sense, my life is just beginning!

At some point during this cruise, I will sip on an adult beverage and toast her memory. :)

"No expectations, no disappointments."

"No expectations, no disappointments" may very well become my new mantra.

Don't get me wrong--this doesn't apply to my life overall. I have been blessed in so many ways since I've been on my own again; I can't really complain. I've got a job that I like and that pays well, supportive family and friends, a great church, and a variety of hobbies and interests that keep me busy.

The one area of my life that has left me disappointed has been dating. Despite getting out there and socializing, I have not been asked out on one single date. Any attempts in approaching guys I'm interested in going out with have failed miserably, leaving me feeling hurt. I've done a lot over the past 1.5 years to improve myself and I believe that I have a lot to offer someone special, so why isn't anything happening? God only knows.

What's a girl to do?

Go live her life.

At this point, I have resolved to live my life as if nobody will show up. That's partially why I'm going on this cruise. I could wait for a man to take me on one, but with my luck, it might not happen. I don't want to be at the end of my life on this earth and regret that I didn't go on these types of adventures simply because I didn't want to travel alone. I won't be lonely (there will be nearly 4,000 people on this ship, not counting crew), but can spend time alone if I want to. I'm taking some of my favorite outfits, simply because they make me feel good when I wear them. I will not make myself up simply to impress the men, but because I take pride in how I look and want to feel beautiful and confident as I walk around the ship. This is my trip and I plan on making the most of it--my way.

With the men, there will be no expectations, therefore no disappointments. I won't avoid them, but I will guard my heart, not letting any of them get too close to me nor letting myself get too close to them right now. I just can't deal with any more  hurt. I want this vacation to be relaxing and fun, not filled with drama.

One thing I did decide to splurge on for this cruise is a pass to the ship's thermal spa. It'll be a great way to wind down after a workout or just to relax at any other time. It's supposed to be quiet and its out of the direct sun, so I don't have to worry so much about getting sunburned. Just looking at the pictures of this place starts to put me in a relaxed state. I can only imagine what I will feel like when I actually show up in person!

http://www.iceportal.com/brochures/ice/brochure.aspx?brochureid=ICE17468&type=vr&did=3719&lang=en&index=22

This link is a 360 view so you can see for yourself. :)

I'm headed towards Miami in less than 48 hours! Can't wait!

It's almost time to "Getaway"!

In my last post, I mentioned that I will be going on a cruise very soon and I'm so excited! The ship that I will be be going on is the Norwegian Getaway out of Miami and she looks to be a pretty awesome ship! Here's a link so you see it for yourself:

http://www.ncl.com/cruise-ship/getaway

One of the things that makes her unique among most other cruise ships is that she offers a cabin option called the Studio cabin, which is a cabin specifically designed for one person. If you're family with cruise ships and their pricing structure, for a single person not wishing to share their cabin, the cruse lines will charge a single supplement, which can make cruising really expensive for solo travellers. With the Studio cabins, there is no supplement, making it more affordable. For me, it was the least expensive option. I had cruised on NCL before and had really liked it, so I was in!

A plus that comes with the Studio cabins is the exclusive Studio Lounge connected to them. It's a way to help the solo travellers connect with each other. One hour each afternoon is set aside as the happy hour where a crew member will be present to organize dinner and show reservations for those singles who want to go as a group, as well as other singles activities.

I've already been in contact with some of the people who will be on the ship at the same time as I through a Roll Call thread on the Cruise Critic website: http://boards.cruisecritic.com. We plan on having a meetup on Sunday so that we can all meet in person. There are a wide variety of people that will be there, including another Aspie (someone who has Asperger's Syndrome) like myself. In the wild, I generally don't meet very many people who will come right out and admit that they have AS. I hope to talk more with him and compare notes and perhaps strike up a friendship. While I'm blessed to have a few good neurotypical friends and family who are very tolerant of my Aspie quirks, it would be nice to talk with someone who lives with it like I do and understands it from that perspective.

I hope I'll have time to share a little more of my excitement before I leave, but if I don't, I definitely will after I get home. :)

Directions, please!

At this point, I feel as if this chapter of my life is ending and a new one is about to begin. I have no clue where it will take me. I just hope I'm ready. 

The chapter that I'm closing out is what I call the divorce and aftermath chapter, which started when I made the decision to leave my now-ex and spans the period up until now.

Things are definitely shifting. Over the past nearly 18 months, much of my personal and spiritual growth has been about healing. I've now reached a point where this growth is becoming less and less about healing and more about expanding my horizons. It's a place I've never really been before. It's exciting and a bit scary.

While I do have a few general goals in mind for the next 2-3 years, I honestly don't have an overall direction for my life yet. There are some things that I would like to see happen, but whether or not they happen is mostly out of my control. There are those things that are in my control, but I don't yet have enough information to confidently make a good decision.

At this point, all I can do is to ask God for direction and trust that He'll give it to me when the time is right. I just need to keep an open mind to whatever He has in store for me.

A week from this Saturday, I will be getting on a cruise ship for a week of fun. I will make new friends. I will celebrate my birthday during that week. I will also be celebrating the beginning of this new chapter in my life story.

What a difference a year makes...

It's been over a year since I last blogged, but it's now time for me to dust it off.

So much has happened in the last year that it's hard to put it into one blog post, but I will give you a quick summary, complete with bullet points:

--I thought I had found the love I was looking for; he later broke my heart.

--I danced in a West Coast Swing competition.

--I survived a really bad performance review at work and fought my way back into my boss's good graces.

--I learned to like being alone.

--In response to a bad doctor's report, I cleaned up my diet and took up running.

--I took a solo vacation and I loved it!

--I was able to shed a lot of the emotional baggage that I had accumulated before and during my marriage.

This past year was about having faith, being brave, overcoming, and becoming stronger.

In future posts, I will elaborate more on the above list, as well as share some exciting upcoming happenings. Stay tuned! :)

Selfishness isn't always a bad thing

In trying to grasp the new freedom that I'm now experiencing, I compiled the following list.

Why being single and unattached is a good thing:

1. I have the bed all to myself!

2. I get to come and go as I please.

3. I can spend more time with the people that i care about the most.

4. Other than God, i don't have to answer to anybody. I have options!

5. Within responsible limits, I can spend my money however I see fit.

6. I am now driving the car I really want and I can put whatever bumper and window stickers on it that I want.

6. If the mood strikes me, I can eat ice cream for dinner.

7. I can pursue my passions to my heart's content.

8. I can decorate my home however I please.

9. I can go out with a different friend of the opposite sex every night of the week if I want.

10. I have been able to find a church that I truly love and want to be an active part of.

11. I can watch whatever I want on TV.

12. In the car, I can listen to whatever kind of music I want to.

13. Seeing as I live by myself, I don't have to worry about anybody leaving the toilet seat up!

As I was going through my divorce, my therapist advised me not to do any serious dating for at least a year. In a way, it does seem a bit restrictive, but it is actually very wise. While I came through my divorce fairly unscathed, I still need time to get my bearings back. I'm not the same person I was before I got married. I need time to just relax and have fun. I need time to restablish what matters to me the most. I just need time to be me. In this case, a bit of selfishness isn't a bad thing.

Yes, I still hold on to the dream that I will get a second chance at love. By choosing selfishness for right now, I'll be a better partner for whomever God may have in mind for me down the road. If I get married again, I want to marry someone who is truly my best friend. Those kind of things just can't be rushed. In the meantime, I seek to learn what it means to be truly content and to make the most of this season in my life.

Out with the old and in with the new...

I have been rather busy over the last couple of weeks so there really hasn't been time for another blog entry until now. A lot is happening right now in my world and I do want to share at least some of it with you.

One thing that I have been doing a lot of is cleaning out and getting rid of stuff that I don't want or need anymore. A lof of this was stuff that was given to me and the now-ex as wedding gifts and other stuff that reminds me of the marriage that really doesn't have a place in my new life. I filled up the back end of my new-to-me small SUV, plus part of the back seat. It felt good to rid myself of these things I didn't need anymore, plus I was able to support a local charity who does a lot of good in my community.

Upon the suggestion of a couple of friends, I mailed my wedding dress off to an organization called Angel Gowns. They take these dresses and reconstruct them into beautiful burial gowns for newborns who unfortunately don't get to come home from the hospital with their families.

The next question was what to do with my engagement, wedding, and anniversary bands, as well as some other nice jewelry that the ex and his family had given to me in the course of our relationship. Well, I wound up taking it to a local jewelry store, and along with some added money, I got this:

To me, the diamond solitare represents my new beginning. It is simple. Nothing else is needed for the diamond to stand out on it's own. It is beautiful in it's own right.

Dusting off a dream

It seems that I'm now really starting to notice God's movement in my life almost every day and it continues to blow my mind!

Over the weekend, I had 2 separate conversations with some fellow Christians that got me to really thinking about what I really want in life. As a result, I feel that I'm being led to pull a dream I've had for years, but haven't been able to fulfill, off the shelf of lost causes.

Like most women, I've longed to have a husband and family of my own since I was a little girl. I did manage to get the husband, but not the family I had hoped for. When the now-ex and I decided to get married, we agreed that we would wait 2-3 years before starting our family. The time came and the ex announces that due to the declining state of the world, he doesn't want to being any kids into it. While disappointed, I accepted it and sought to create a fulfilling life, lavishing my nurturing and maternal instincts onto our fur children. As the marriage continued on, the problems kept piling up and the truth about the issue came out. Apparently, the ex had decided that there were some things about me that had concerned him about my ability to be a good mother to any children that we might have. By that point, I was feeling the same way about him.I didn't want to bring a child into the dysfunction that was our marriage.

Then we divorced....

I remember talking with my lawyer about the issues with my marriage and had expressed my disappointment in never being in a good position to start the family I had always wanted. She encouraged me, saying that even at my age, it still wasn't too late. I am past prime childbearing age, so I dismissed it as something that I would most likely not get to experience. I mean, my plans for a family involved needing to meet Mr. Right and marrying him, which was not likely to happen anytime soon. Never mind the kids, I would be thrilled just to eventually connect with Mr. Right.

Fast forward to last weekend...

While I won't go into the details of the conversations I had with my friends, the tone of these conversations set off something in me. Add to that, my Pastor has been encouraging our congregation to pray big, bold prayers and to do big, bold things for God.  Why not take my dream of having the great husband and being a stay-at-home mom off the shelf of lost causes, dust it off, and give it to God to do what He sees fit to do with it? I have never done anything like this before in my Christian walk so to deciding to trust God in this way is a pretty bold move for me. Sure, there's always the possibility that God may not make my dreams come true, but replace them with different dreams. At the same time, what if He does agree with me and make the seemingly impossible happen? I wouldn't want to miss out on that simply because I wasn't bold enough to ask Him in the first place.

Yes, I am laying it out there! I would love to have an absolutely awesome husband, kids, and be able to be a stay-at-home mom to them. The white picket fence is optional. :-P

Friends, I encourage you to dream big and pray big and to know that our God, who had the power to raise Christ from the dead, is perfectly capable of making those dreams come true. You just have to ask and to trust.

*************************************************

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” (Mark 10:27 NIV)

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. (Psalm 40:1 NIV)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

A Fresh Start

You could say that my fresh start began on Thanksgiving Day last year when I made the decision to end my marriage. Removing my wedding band, telling him of my intentions, moving out, filing for divorce, the final hearing, and getting the papers that made it official were all milestones in that process.

This week, more things in the process have fallen into place. Earlier this week, the ex closed on the refinancing of the house that we once shared. Part of our divorce agreement stipulated that we were to split any equity from the house in half. I was in attendance to sign off on a couple of documents related to that. That action severed the last of the financial ties that I had with him. What a relief!

Thanks to some help from my mom, I was finally able to put together a real budget and get a clearer picture of my financial situation. Knowing exactly what I could afford, I was able to trade my 11 year-old car (which I had driven for 9 years) for a gently used small SUV, which I absolutely love! Everything went so smoothly with that that I'm convinced that God was at work in that.

Later on in the week, I got my house money and I'm proud to say that i am now credit-card debt free!! In addition to picking up a couple of toys for myself, I decided to order some new furniture for my apartment. I had already ordered a new TV stand for the new TV I will be getting in the near future, but I decided that I wanted to pick up a couple of matching end tables and a closed storage cabinet to hold a lot of my hobby-related stuff.

As for the furniture, it wasn't like I really NEEDED it, as I have perfectly functional furniture that it will be replacing. It's more out of a psychological need than anything. It's simply part of the fresh start process--out with the old and in with the new. There are a few more pieces that I'd like to replace and a few more that I'll hang on to either because they're family antiques or I simply like them too much to let them go at this point. I want my home to reflect my personal taste now and not simply be a hodge-podge of items left over from a failed marriage.

Onward and upward!

ISO...a special friend

If you haven't already figured it out, despite my not-so-good marriage experience, I haven't lost hope that I will eventually find the special guy that God intends me to be with. Ultimately, I want someone who love me in the way that I need to be loved and who will let me love him in the way that he needs to be loved. I want to do this right, trusting God and my gut-instinct in making decisions related to whom I get involved with and at what level I get involved at. I didn't do this the first time and look what happened. Thank goodness for God and His grace and willingness to give all of us second chances.

While I'm not ready for a full-on romantic commitment, I am looking for a special guy to have a close friendship with--really, a best friend. We would love each other as best friends do and hang out and do the things that best friends do. We would have each other's back and be each other's confidant. While I have my close girlfriends, there is nothing like having a close guy friend and being able to get his perspective on things. I've had those type of friendships in the past and I miss them.

As for the kind of special guy that I want, I'm looking for someone who is seeking God first and foremost. If he's doing that, then most other things will fall into place in the way of his values. Besides our common faith, we need to have some things in common. He needs to like to dance (or be willing to learn), enjoy being outside, and be a creative type, whether it be in the visual or performing arts. There needs to be a certain chemistry there, one that could possibly develop into something more than just a friendship later.

Lord, I am patiently waiting on You to send this special friend to me. :)

It's complicated...not really!

Just recently, I went to my doctor for a long-overdue checkup (for which I got a clean bill of health, thankfully). I was chatting with the nurse practitioner about my recent divorce and related things when she asked me whether or not I was sexually active. I replied that I wasn't and went on to say,

"Sex complicates things."

Being the card-carrying Christian that I am, I could've launched into a spiel about how it's wrong in God's eyes and how I didn't want to displease God in that way.

I would say that for the vast majority of you, you're already aware of that. Have you ever thought about why God takes such a strong stand on this issue? Sex is not just a physical activity, but an emotional and spiritual bonding meant to be shared between two people who desire to be together for life. If this bond is created too early in a relationship, it really does complicate things, especially if you decide to split up later. If you've got that bond, breaking up becomes harder than it has to be, no matter how wrong that other person may be for you.

There's also the issue of self-respect. I don't know about you, but I want to wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror, and be able to respect myself--no guilt, no shame. I don't want to worry about getting pregnant or a STD.

It all boils down to simplicity. God put these commands into place not to frustrate us, but to simplify things for us. Without having that burden on our backs, we have more freedom to love and serve Him and other people, which is what He wants us to be doing, anyway. Why complicate it?

With that being said, I don't see myself staying single for the rest of my life. I believe that God is in the process of preparing Mr. Right for me and at just the right time, the Almighty will reveal him to me. In the meantime, I am busy growing in my relationship with God, receiving His blessings, and preparing myself for that eventuality. When that happens, I'll know it, he'll know it, and God will bless us for it.

For those of you who are more visual-type learners, here is a simple diagram of where I stand on the issue:

God Bless!

Love is the best medicine

I love Facebook! I think it has been one of the things that has kept me sane throughout the divorce process and beyond. Not only do I connect with friends, I see lots of inspiring messages like this one that really struck me enough that I had to share it here.

Obviously, this quote is referring to the power of a romantic relationship. In that context, I totally agree with it when you're with a person who is right for you. I've also personally seen the power of this message in the context of platonic friendships.

Regardless of the type of relationship, I see the love that goes into those wounds as medicine for the soul. In the physical sense, the medicine itself doesn't heal the wounds, but assists the body in healing itself. It's no different when it comes to wounds of the heart and soul. Ultimately, the healing comes from within and above, but when friends and loved ones fill those psychic wounds with the medicine of their love, the healing process will be an easier one.

Don't be afraid to reach out to the hurting friend. Your love and support may be just the medicine that they need to get through their tough times. If you're the one who's hurting, don't be afraid to reach out to your friends. Chances are, they've got the God-given medicine you need to help you heal.

What really matters to you?

When it comes to love, there are times where I get frustrated--really frustrated. I'm not just talking about romantic love, but relationships with friends and family. I have a lot of love to give and I'm longing for some deep soul-level unconditional relationships, but most people seem to be too busy to care that much. Perhaps that's why I stayed in my marriage (despite the obvious major dysfunction) as long as I did. At least the ex did care as much as he could. With that being said, I have no desire to resurrect that relationship because of it's level of dysfunction.

With that, I realize that nobody's perfect. I don't expect perfection. I just want my closest friends to be loyal, trustworthy, and willing to invest the time necessary to build great friendships. Sometimes that involves a sacrifice. Sometimes, your to-do list may get put on the back burner in order to spend time with a friend who is having a really bad day (or season in life) and needs an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on, and lots of encouraging words. Those other things will eventually get done. 

What really matters more?

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." (1 John 4:7, 8 NIV)

Nothing to be sorry for

I've been told by a person close to me that I shouldn't be gloating over my divorce and the newfound freedom and happiness that it has brought me, especially in the arena of social media. This person was concerned about how my ex would handle it and that perhaps he would give me a hard time about it. There's also the issue of my other friends who are currently going through it or have been though it who haven't had such positive experiences with it who might not react so positively to my experiences.

As for the ex, he has distanced himself from social media since the divorce, but I still keep in contact with some of his family and friends by that means. Obviously, there's always a small chance that information could be filtered to him via them. That's where I'm especially thankful that he and I on friendly terms. Whatever good things come his way, I am genuinely happy for him; I believe he shares the same sentiment for me.

As for my friends, I am sensitive to where they are in their respective journeys. I will rejoice with them when they're rejoicing and I will cry with them when they're crying. It doesn't depend on my state of mind at the moment. Hopefully, they'll have the same attitude. Our stories are different, but I've probably experienced what they're feeling, good or bad, at some point and can relate. Regardless, I will love them unconditionally and stand with them whatever they're going through.

I really feel that there is no need to apologize for being happy and my enthusiasm in sharing my newfound happiness and joy with the world. God has blessed me a great deal! For those of you who are really struggling right now with the fallout of your divorce or impending divorce, please know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that you will be happy again sooner or later (hopefully sooner). My heart goes out to you and if you happen to know me personally, my shoulder is here for you to cry on.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. (Romans 12:15 NIV)

I gotta be me!

One of the most painful realizations I made in the course of my marriage was that it didn't allow me the freedom to be who I am. I was constantly worried about saying or doing something that would displease my husband and prove to him that I simply wasn't good enough. A lot of the time, I walked on eggshells and I put up and shut up. I did it so much that it drained me both emotionally and spiritually until I had no more left to give.

Once I got out of that situation, the drainage stopped and my spirit started filling back up!

I am determined not to allow myself to get back into that kind of a situation again. Letting me be who God made me to be is an essential component of any friendships and romantic interests in my life. Real friends accept that I'm not perfect and love me in spite of it. They appreciate the eccentricities and other unique things that make me who I am. They encourage me to grow in my weaknesses, but they don't expect me to change just to please them.

"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." (Romans 15:7 NIV)